My Epiphany About the Manosphere

by Sharon Kayne

I just had an epiphany about the whole manosphere/trad-wife-wanter epidemic. It is this: everything you know about MAGA men—basically, that they peaked in high school, are misinformed, too lazy to learn, entitled, and have the emotional maturity of a petulant child—can be said about the boys of the manosphere. And they arrived at this stage of their lives due to very similar circumstances.

The MAGA true believers were shaped by the economic changes that began in the 1980s: the loss of good-paying factory jobs and family farms, neither of which required a college degree. What had been their fathers’ and grandfathers’ American dream was the dream they thought they were entitled to. Why? Because they were born with white skin and a dick. But within one generation, it slipped away.

The young men who had brains survived the change by manning up. They went back to school or retrained for new jobs in the emerging tech industry. The young men who were too lazy or felt too entitled to man up just got bitter. Decades later, they joined the MAGA cult—not because it would help them, but because it gave agency to their bitterness.

The boys of the manosphere were similarly created, but by changing societal norms. Basically, women have changed and some men are really pissed about it.

Although it began long before, the new normal for women really ramped up in the early 2000s, as women were coming into their own. After centuries of being considered property and being denied even the most basic rights, women were closing in on their male peers. We were earning comparable incomes, buying our own homes, and even out-performing men in college. We were also, in larger and larger numbers, declining to limit ourselves to pushing out babies and picking up dirty socks.

The same kind of guys who were able to man up to a changing economy in the 1980s were able to man up to a changing society. They stopped thinking of women as property and started treating us as partners. The same kind of guys who were bitter about losing their economic entitlement got bitter about having to see women as equals. The kind of guys who were too lazy to get educated for different jobs are too lazy for the personal growth required for different relationships. And now they are whining about it en masse.

While MAGA boys want the jobs their forefathers had, manosphere boys want the trad wives their forefathers had: women who had no choice beyond being financially dependent on a man. They want a woman who will do all of the emotional labor in the relationship. A woman who will always put her husband’s needs before her own. All while expecting little or nothing in return. They also want a woman who will do all the household work that they, themselves, find demeaning. And they expect her to do it even if she also has to work outside the home to help pay the bills. Essentially, they are seven-year-old boys who can’t be bothered to either care about anything that doesn’t personally impact them or to put their dirty clothes in the washing machine. Clearly, what they really want is a mother. Albeit one who gives her body over to him in deference to his every sexual need (all the while burying her own needs).

What’s really stunning to me about manosphere boys and the trad-wife-wanters is how utterly they misunderstand women. They are shocked that women would rather have partners than owners. Really? This surprises them? Clearly, they haven’t noticed that women are fully evolved humans. We only spent centuries fulfilling men’s every whim because we had no other choice. And why was that? Because men, who put themselves in charge of everything, made sure of it. Spoiler alert: patriarchy is bullshit.

It’s taken generations, and the hard work of our mothers and grandmothers, for women to finally have a say in what we do with our lives and our bodies. I’m sorry (not sorry) if this distresses a group of emotionally stunted boy-men. They just really need to shut up and get over it.

Incidentally, they’re lucky women only want equality. If we wanted revenge, they’d really be screwed.

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