Dissecting the Doggie Diet

by Sharon Kayne

I learned recently that a friend of mine has switched dog food brands, and her pooch doesn’t seem to like it. In fact, the dog has gone on its own little version of a canine hunger strike. Being a dog owner myself, I can’t quite fathom this. I guess it’s because my dogs are not picky eaters. In fact, it’s pretty safe to say that my dogs will—and do—eat just about everything. And I’m not simply referring to what I put in their bowls.

Everybody has their favorite restaurants, and so do my dogs. Their favorite place to dine is at the big park near my house. I take them there often and even though I never bring a picnic lunch, they manage to sup quite successfully. I couldn’t tell you what exactly it is they find to dine on—by the time I realize they’re eating something that they found on the ground, they’re done chewing and have already swallowed.

I am fairly certain, though, that most of what they eat at the park is actual food—pieces of hot dogs, buns, chips, and the odd bits of birthday cake. Those may not be the best things for a dog to consume, but there’s a whole host of other things my dogs will eat that don’t fall into any sort of food category whatsoever.

If you’re not a fellow dog owner, you’re probably wondering what those things could be. If you are a fellow dog owner, of course, you have your own horror stories about what you’ve witnessed your dog eat, pass or puke up. For example, if you have a dog and a cat you are aware that Fido is more than willing to clean out the kitty litter for you. In fact, a friend of mine told me that her Great Dane once rooted about in the litter box so enthusiastically that when he emerged his nostrils were completely plugged up with self-clumping litter.

Years ago, I had a Golden Retriever who thought the litter box was a treasure trove of culinary delicacies. I also once watched him puke up an entire tube sock. It was completely unchewed. Another friend of mine watched as her dog hacked up a live sewer roach, which then scampered away under the baseboard. One of my current dogs—a German Shepherd—likes to eat tissues. But only the used variety.

I have always been of the opinion that since I can open up the refrigerator whenever the mood strikes me and have something to eat, it’s only fair that my dogs should have access to food at all times, too. I always keep their food bowl full, and they eat however little or much they want whenever they want. And I buy them high-quality, brand-name dog food. Why they feel the need to supplement their diets with inedible and objectionable side dishes is beyond me. That being the case, then, it’s also beyond me that any dog would turn his snout up at any food. So I asked my friend if her picky eater ever augmented his kibble with forbidden findings.

Turns out he does. Apparently he’s not picky about what he finds on the ground—just what he finds in his dish. Maybe my friend should try leaving her dog’s food at the park or mixing it into the kitty litter. I’m sure that would work for my dogs.

This classic Citizen Kayne column was originally published the week of May 6, 2000, in Crosswinds Weekly, an alternative newspaper based in Albuquerque, NM.

I post to my blog every Sunday. Follow me on Facebook or Instagram, or sign up for my monthly newsletter (here) to be informed of my new posts. Also, please follow me on Amazon, Goodreads and BookBub.

Buy my historical romances, This Restless Sea, The Green Silk Gown, and Variations on a Romance, at Amazon.