A Cautionary Tale and Some Really Awesome DIY Tips

by Sharon Kayne

Several weeks back I wrote a blog about how I was taking a break from writing and marketing my books to do some home improvement projects. Well, they’re done. And I’ve learned an important lesson. Chiefly that, while I used to enjoy DIY home improvement projects, I also used to be younger and I took anti-depressants that managed my illness well. I’m older now and my anti-depressants don’t work for shit, so that pretty much takes all the joy out of DIY jobs that are also difficult and frustrating. And, really, what DIY home improvement project is neither difficult nor frustrating?

I ended my long list of projects with the one I was dreading the most: painting the kitchen. There were two main reasons the kitchen needed painting. One was that I was stupid enough to hang something on the wall with duct tape and, when I took it down, spots of paint came down with it. The other reason was that there were some issues that needed to be addressed because this house was a flip (which we knew before we bought it, and we bought it anyway, so that’s on us just like the duct tape debacle). The main problem was that the walls of the laundry room, which was added to the kitchen by the flippers, had cracked where the new walls butted up to the old walls. When I sidled up to them to press drywall mud into the cracks, I found out why they had cracked: the flippers hadn’t bothered to tape the seams.

I’m no construction expert, but I know that you tape the freaking seams between your sheets of drywall. The flippers had, actually, taped some of the seams. I could see the tell-tale marks of the mesh tape that they’d used to tape those seams that—surprise!—had NOT cracked. Apparently, they’d simply run out of drywall tape and, instead of running to the hardware store to pick up more, they’d just shoved drywall mud in the seams and called it done. Nice way to take pride in your work, boys!

They’d also done a crap job of caulking where the counter splash guard met the kitchen wall under the window. It’s said that paint hides a multitude of sins, but it can’t hide a big glob of caulk that’s been slathered all over the splash guard, looking like a dirty garden slug. So I had to dig that out and re-caulk it correctly.

Since I’ve done lots of home improvement, and I’m pretty sure I won’t be doing any more, I thought I’d take this opportunity to share some good DIY tips with you. Just in case you ever get it into your head that doing a home improvement project might be fun. These should help mitigate some of the frustration:

• Do NOT stick a nail or screw into the end of your opened caulk nozzle after you’ve used it. The screw or nail will allow air into the caulk nozzle and the next time you need to use it, you’ll have to dig a bunch of hardened caulk out of the nozzle, like it’s become constipated. Instead, when you’re done using your caulk, simply push out a small bead of caulk and allow it to dry on the end of the nozzle. Then, the next time you need to use it, you simply snap the bead off, and violà! The rest of the caulk will come out easily.

• When you’re done using your plastic container of premixed drywall mud/joint compound, press a piece of saran wrap over the top of the unused mud before you put the lid back on. This helps prevent a fatal case of constipation.

• If you’re going to be painting with a can of paint that’s been sitting around for a while, turn the can over and let it sit upside-down for 24 hours before you open it. This will allow all the heavy matter, which has settled to the bottom of the can in one thick layer of muck, to be redistributed, making it much easier to stir up. There’s nothing like opening up an old can of paint and seeing a layer of clear-ish liquid on the top. It’ll put you off of painting the way bits of congealed fat puts you off of your leftovers.

• If you’re painting with rollers and you need to reuse them on a second coat the next day, do not wash them. Instead, put the rollers—covers and handles all together—in a plastic bag (grocery bags work well), squeeze out as much of the air as you can, and twist the ends of the bag together around the roller handle. This will keep your roller pads moist enough that you can reuse them for a couple of days without having to wash them in between coats of paint. I throw them away when I’m done because washing roller covers is as messy as dipping your hands straight into a can of paint.

• Don’t wash off the paint trays or cups that you used. Let them dry for 24 hours, and the paint will easily peel off—like one big-ass, opaque, yet colorful facial mask—no water needed. (Just don’t let them sit until the paint cures, which takes about a week. If you do that, the paint will hold on like a frightened toddler. You can still reuse the paint-stained tray or cup—you’ll just look like a slob who was too lazy to clean their tools.)

• Finally, when you’re ready to put the lid back on your paint can, clean out the groove along the top edge of the can. Using a flat-head screwdriver, with a rag folded over the end (old tee-shirts work well), run the screwdriver in the groove all the way around the opening until you’ve cleaned all the paint out of it. Then do the same thing to the groove on the inside of the lid. If you don’t do this, your lid will be painted onto the can, and the next time you need to use it, prying it off will be harder than prying a frightened toddler off of their parent’s thigh. (As you can see, paint is emotionally unstable and… well, clingy. )

So, that’s it. My DIY projects are done and it’s time to get back to the business of writing. In all, I’d say the break was successful. There’s nothing like a bunch of really annoying DIY projects to remind you how much you love to write.

I post to my blog every Sunday. Follow me on Facebook or Instagram, or sign up for my monthly newsletter (here) to be informed of my new posts. Also, please follow me on Amazon, Goodreads and BookBub.

Buy my historical romances, This Restless Sea, The Green Silk Gown, and Variations on a Romance, at Amazon.