To say I was nervous when Joseph picked me up that night would have been beyond an understatement. I was terrified. Terrified that the summer dress I’d decided to wear was too dressy for dinner and a movie. Then I worried that it was too casual. And I was terrified that I’d have nothing to say. Or worse, that I’d say something stupid.

 

I opened the door almost the moment he knocked. I knew it probably made me look desperate, but I just couldn’t risk my parents opening the door. That would be beyond awkward and probably start an argument – if not immediately, then later. But I started to relax as he drove us to Port Angeles. It helped a lot that he’d told me I looked really pretty when I’d opened the door.

 

“So what sounds good for dinner?” he asked when we were on the highway.

 

“I heard there’s this new Spanish/Cuban fusion place that’s supposed to be good.” Actually, I had no idea what culinary fusion even meant, but I’d heard the atmosphere was dark and romantic.

 

“Sounds kind of touristy, but I’m game if you are,” he said with a grin.

 

Joseph carried the conversation for most of the evening, which made me very grateful, and we only had a couple of long-enough-to-be-awkward silences. He broke the first one by telling me how much he loved my hair.

 

“It’s raven black and so long,” he said. And straight as a board, I added to myself.

 

I replied with a quiet “thanks.” Why had I put it back in a barrette tonight? “It’s pretty much standard equipment on my model,” I told him. “Even most of the guys in the tribe have long, black hair.”

 

“I’ll have to take your word about the guys, ’cause I’ve never really noticed. But I have noticed that your hair sets off your brown eyes perfectly.”

 

I mumbled another thanks. Why couldn’t I accept a compliment with any grace? Maybe because I’d had so little practice.

 

I made it through dinner without really tasting my food. I was too nervous to eat much anyway. I also couldn’t have passed a pop quiz on the plot of the movie we saw afterwards. It was a comedy – that much I got. Mostly because I noticed how cute Joseph was when he laughed. I spent the first half of the movie thinking about the fact that he was holding my hand, and the second half thinking about how his arm was draped across my back, his hand resting lightly on my shoulder. Who needs plot and characters when you had that kind of real-life drama going on?

 

The whole night was over much too fast, and he was pulling up in front of my house before I had time to freak out about whether or not he would kiss me good night. He shut off the car engine. That was a good sign. Then he gazed at me in the dark and I thought I was going to hyperventilate. Was he waiting for me to say something? Invite him in?

 

“I had a really great time,” I finally managed to squeak out. How unoriginal. He seemed to take that as a sign or something because he opened his car door and got out. I waited until he came around and opened my door. I’d always wanted to do that – just to see how it felt. It felt kind of silly, actually, just sitting there waiting for someone to do something for me that I’d been doing for myself since I was five. He walked me to the door, and I was so glad Mom had forgotten to turn the porch light on. I turned to face him. Was I supposed to say something? I’d already used my ‘I had a great time’ line and I had nothing else.

 

The rez is really quiet – especially at night. It had never bothered me before, but tonight the silence seemed to be mocking me – or at least mocking my inability to come up with something appropriate to say. Then I heard it – a lone, mournful howl. After a few seconds it was joined by more howls – like the whole pack was answering.

 

“Sounds like the wolves are out in force tonight,” Joseph said with a flirty smile.

 

“Yeah,” was all I managed to say in return. Thankfully – and I mean really thankfully – he leaned toward me. His lips touched mine. I closed my eyes as he started kissing me. Eventually his lips coaxed my mouth open, and I felt his tongue gliding against mine. Tentatively, I let my tongue explore his. Actual kissing was even better than it looked in the movies. So real and warm and soft.

 

Finally, he pulled back from me and I sighed – my eyes still closed so I could savor the moment.

 

“Oh, Quil,” I murmured.

 

I opened my eyes just in time to see the expression on his face turn from pleasure to shock, then to brooding. Did I really just call him Quil? Out loud?

 

“I’m so sorry!” I blurted out. Then I realized I had to make my case before he sprinted back to his car and out of my life. “I don’t know where that came from. I … I wasn’t even thinking about him.”

 

Joseph took a deep breath. “What were you thinking about then?”

 

I couldn’t believe he was giving me a chance to explain. “I was thinking about how nice it felt. About how much I like being kissed. By you,” I added too hastily.

 

He looked a bit dubious. Had I ever told him about Quil? I couldn’t remember. “Quil is just a friend of the family. He’s like a brother to me.” I sounded like I was pleading for my life.

 

“You know Claire, I really like you.”

 

“I really like you too.”

 

“But if there’s someone else in your life … well, I don’t want to be second string.”

 

“You’re not second string, Joseph. You are so first string. Really, you’re the only player in the game. I don’t know what happened just now. I guess I lost my head. Or I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. Or something …” I trailed off pitifully. I could see he wasn’t convinced.

 

“Look, it’s late,” he said. “I should get going. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Goodnight,” I said to his back as he headed toward the car. I felt the tears rush up against the edges of my eyes. I had to get into the house and up to my room before any of the tears came loose. I had just humiliated myself in front of Joseph – I didn’t need to give my family a show too.

 

Of course, Mom heard the door close behind me. “Claire is that you?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Did you have a good time?”

 

I couldn’t trust myself to answer her. Plus, I knew she was hoping the answer was no, and if I started bawling she’d probably be ecstatic. Okay, and a little worried too. I made it upstairs to my room, locked the door behind me, and fell onto my bed. Face first. I was going to die an old maid. A virginal old maid. I’m pathetic! My first shot at boyfriend land and I blew it. No wonder guys never paid any attention to me. It must be obvious to them that I’m not date material let alone serious girlfriend material.

 

I cried for a while as quietly as I could. I must have been quiet enough because Mom didn’t stop at my door and ask me if I wanted to “talk about it” – the three most dreaded words in the mother-daughter lexicon. Somehow, I managed to fall asleep. I was still fully dressed when I woke up – sometime in the middle of the night by the looks of it – and I’d somehow gotten myself all twisted up in the quilt on my bed. The dream that had woken me was still so vivid. I’d been on the front porch kissing Joseph. I’d had my eyes closed, but I knew it was Joseph the way you just know stuff in your dreams. But when I opened my eyes, I was kissing Quil instead. Then I realized we weren’t on the front porch anymore. We were in a bed, and we were doing much more than kissing!

 

I shook my head to try and get the image out, but it had some kind of stubborn staying power. Was I hormonal? Pre-menstrual? No, I’d just finished my period last week. I must be losing my mind. That’s it. I’d been so desperate for some male attention for so long that I’d lost it. Reason. Sanity. Good judgement. All gone.

 

 

*        *       *

 

I slept like crap the rest of the night and kept having flashes of the same dream. Except we weren’t always in a bed. Sometimes we were on the beach … in the surf … in the forest. I had to drag myself out of bed in the morning. My stomach felt like I’d been eating rocks all night. I kept trying to forget the dreams, but they wouldn’t stay away for long. At this rate, if I wasn’t already crazy, I soon would be. I decided I needed to talk to someone. I figured my Aunt Emily was safest. Or at least the most honest. You could always count on her to tell you exactly what she thought, especially when it was something most people would have rather lied about. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean tee-shirt and headed over to her place. Hopefully Sam would be out running wolf patrol. If not, maybe I could drag her out of the house for a while.

 

Apparently, luck hadn’t abandoned me completely because Emily was home alone and seemed more than willing to talk. Even the kids were out of the way. I sat down at her kitchen table and told her my story while she made us tea. It was easier telling my story to her back than it would have been if she’d been sitting across from me and not at all distracted.

 

I couldn’t see her reaction when I’d finished my sad little tale and I was glad. When she brought me a mug of tea and sat down, she had a faraway look on her face. Like my story had reminded her of something, but I couldn’t imagine she’d ever heard anything quite so pathetic before. I stared into my mug while she thought for a moment.

 

“Claire,” she finally said, “have you ever heard the story about Jacob and Renesmee?”

 

I looked at her in complete confusion. What could their story possibly have to do with me?

 

“I guess not?” I shrugged. 

 

I actually thought I knew their story – the important parts at least. Jake was one of Quil’s best friends, so he was practically like another big brother to me. I knew Jacob had imprinted on Nessie, the gorgeous human/vampire hybrid, even though he’d had a thing for her mom. I guess that was a long time ago.

 

Jacob and Nessie had been married for a while but hadn’t had kids yet. I didn’t think it was for lack of trying. It seemed that their genes just weren’t compatible. Imagine that. A werewolf and a half vampire not compatible? I kind of felt for Nessie. It was so obvious that she wanted to become a mother. I didn’t really want to feel for her – I wanted to hate her for being so dang perfect. She had a complexion like polished glass, and fountains of the kind of curly hair you only saw on pre-Raphaelite angels. But she was much too easy to like. She was sweet – and not in an annoying way. And warm. And generous. And she was the center of Jake’s universe. She made him deliriously happy. Exactly the way I wanted to make a man feel.

 

“Jacob and Renesmee’s story is kind of unique,” Emily began.

 

“You mean beyond the whole blended species thing?” I shot back sarcastically. I wasn’t in the mood to hear about how happy they were.

 

“Renesmee was very young when Jake imprinted on her. She was a baby, in fact.”

 

I could tell Emily was prepared to let that sink in for a moment, but my gut reaction hit almost immediately.

 

“Eww,” I said. “That’s … that’s so messed up!”

 

Emily actually laughed. Maybe she wasn’t the right person to confide in after all.

 

“It wasn’t like that. When she was little his feelings for her were completely platonic. He was like a big brother to her. A best friend. He didn’t start to have romantic feelings for her until she was grown up. She just grew up faster than you did.”

 

“Yeah, she was an adult at the ripe old age of seven, right? Freaky. But what does that have to do with–” And then it hit me. Actually, it was more like it crashed into me and then exploded on impact and burst into flames. I looked at Emily and blinked. She just smiled. Again.

 

“Are you saying that Quil imprinted on me?” Emily nodded. “When I was … really young?” Another nod. “How young?”

 

“I think you were about two.”

 

My mouth fell open as I stared past Emily, seeing nothing except flashes of memories. Memories of Quil letting me ride on his wolf back. Memories of him comforting me when my dog got out onto the highway and was killed by a truck. Memories of him carrying me home the day I’d sprained my ankle running through the woods.

 

And then suddenly a bunch of things made sense, even though they were things I’d never really thought were odd before. Like why a hunky guy like Quil would rather hang out with a gangly little girl, and then a shy, awkward pre-pubescent, and then a surly teen (at least I’d been surly lately) instead of women his own age. Like why he didn’t want me dating Joseph.

 

Then I remembered how he answered my question about having his heart broken: “Not yet.” The words suddenly took on a very different meaning. I took a deep breath and forced myself to focus on Emily. I’m sure my mouth was still hanging open. “How did I not know that?”

 

Emily didn’t respond.

 

“How is it that no one ever told me?” I could feel my anger rising.

 

She shrugged. “I think everyone assumed you knew.”

 

“How could people assume I knew? How many things that happened to you when you were in diapers do you remember? Even life-altering things?” I quipped back. Then a terrible thought popped into my head. A thought that made my stomach lurch into my throat. “Did Quil think I knew?” Again, with the not answering! “Oh my god! He must think I’m the most cold-hearted, ungrateful wench on the planet!”

 

Emily smiled at me. “You know Quil could never think that about you.”

 

Okay, yeah, I did know that. Then why hadn’t I ever figured it out? Was he just such a constant in my life that I completely took him for granted? Yes, maybe when I was just a kid, but surely I’d have clued in once I hit puberty. Then I had an idea of maybe why I hadn’t.

 

“Em, I’m pretty sure I get the whole imprinting thing. I’ve seen the way Sam looks at you. The way they all look at their mates. Even after, what? – fifteen years of marriage? – you still make Sam’s face light up like he’s a kid at Christmas who just got everything he’s ever wanted. It’s … it’s beyond adoration. It’s like he’d be more able to live without oxygen than to live without you. It’s actually kind of annoying,” I added as an afterthought. “You know – for those of us on the outside looking in.

 

“The thing is … I’ve been grown up for a few years now.” I paused, hoping she would pick up my thread so I wouldn’t have to say it out loud. She didn’t bite. “I’ve never seen Quil look at me that way.”

 

Emily laughed again. What was it with all the laughing? Clearly my life was a series of jokes to her. “Claire,” she said softly, “he does look at you that way. I guess you just don’t see it.”

 

I chewed on that for a moment, but it still didn’t entirely answer my question. “But how come he’s never … you know … never made a pass at me?” A pass? That sounded like something Mom would say, but it’s what came to mind.

 

“I think Quil needs to know that you’re ready.”

 

I gave that a bit of thought before confessing, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to think about Quil that way. To feel that way.”

 

“I’d say you’re ready, Claire. And you do feel that way. Think about your dreams. About saying Quil’s name when Joseph kissed you.”

 

“So that wasn’t just my subconscious playing tricks on me?”

 

“Oh, it was your subconscious all right. It was just trying to tell you something.” Again, with the smiling! At least she wasn’t laughing this time.

 

I sighed in defeat. How was I supposed to argue with that? She was using my own mind against me!

 

“Okay. Let’s say – for the sake of argument – that you’re right. That I’m in love with Quil. How would I let him know that?” I asked, adding to myself, don’t say ‘tell him.’

 

“You’d need to tell him how you feel.” I knew she would say that!

 

I didn’t like the way that sounded. Like I was going to have to make the first move or something. I couldn’t do that.

 

Then I heard Sam’s car pull up outside. It sounded like all of the kids were with him too.

 

“Please, please, don’t tell Sam,” I begged. It’s not that I didn’t trust Sam to keep it to himself. It’s just that that was almost impossible for him. When the guys phased into wolves, they could hear each other’s thoughts. I was sure any thought Sam had about me – no matter how hard he tried to bury it – would get Quil’s attention.

 

“Of course not,” Emily said with a smile.

 

 

I was relieved that I had an excuse to escape. I needed to think this through. Alone. I waved to Sam and the kids as I sprinted through the door and headed for the woods. I was going to take the long way home. I really needed time to think.

 

The forest usually has a calming effect on me. Everything is softened by the moss that grows on every possible surface. Even your footsteps are muffled here. But it wasn’t helping me relax just then. I was beyond agitated. I felt like I would have lost my lunch if I’d had any. I took a deep breath. I decided I needed to think about this the way you think about a major life decision – by making a list of pros and cons.

 

I loved Quil. I’d loved him all my life. He could be so sweet and funny and protective – like a big brother who never got on your nerves. I suppose it was more realistic to think of him as a big brother who adored his crazy little sister so much that she never got on his nerves. He was more than just a part of my life – he was a part of me. As familiar and comfortable as the quilt on my bed. Being with Quil was like being home.

 

Okay, that was the ‘pro’ side of the list. What was on the ‘con’ side? I really couldn’t come up with anything. He was a great guy and I loved him. But was I in love with him?

 

I realized that one reason I’d never thought of him like that is because he was so much older than me. Okay, that made it one for the ‘con’ side. Then I realized with a shock that he wasn’t older anymore. We were the same age now. Physically, at least. The guys in the pack stopped aging after they began to phase into furry dogs the size of sedans. They were all still sixteen or seventeen or however old they were when it happened. Some of them were even younger. They were all tall and incredibly muscular for teens their age, but that was part of being a huge werewolf half the time.

 

They didn’t age physically, but surely they still matured emotionally, right? They did kind of act like a bunch of juveniles sometimes, but I’d always figured that was another wolf thing. One thing I was certain of – they weren’t going to start aging again until all the vampires were long gone from the area, and they didn’t have to protect the tribe anymore. But aside from the Cullen family, which included Nessie – who was half human and Jacob’s wife to boot – I hadn’t heard of other vampires coming around. I wondered how long Quil would be tied to the pack way of life. I also wondered how all the wolf wives and girlfriends dealt with getting older while their men still had the hard bodies of teens on steroids. I’d have to remember to ask Emily about that.

 

Thinking about Quil’s body – which I seemed to be doing way more than I ever had before – got me to wondering: how would he look to a stranger? A woman who just saw him in a store? Hot, for starters. And cute. I tried, but I couldn’t quite imagine Quil through the eyes of someone who didn’t know him the way I did. I realized that having all the time in the world to brood on this would never give me to the answer I needed about Quil. I had to see him again before I could really know how I felt. I needed to feel what it would be like to be with him now that I knew. And I couldn’t do that unless I was with him.

 

The idea of seeing him made me feel kind of panicky. What if things didn’t go well? I wanted to go home and hide in my bedroom for the rest of the day, but I knew that was dangerous. Quil was over at our house all the time. I needed to be the one to initiate this meeting and I didn’t want to see him before that – especially with my parents and little brother around.

 

 

 

I grabbed my cell as soon as I got home and hit the speed dial before I could think of a good excuse not to.

 

“Hi.” He sounded reticent. Or maybe he was groggy.

 

“Hey. Can we talk? It’s kind of important.”

 

“Of course. You know you can talk to me any time.”

 

“How about now? At the beach?”

 

“Sure. Now’s good.” It sounded like he was trying to stifle a yawn.

 

“Unless you’re in the middle of something else.” I was such a chicken – I wanted to put this off for as long as possible. Or at least long enough for me to join the witness protection program and disappear.

 

“Nothing that can’t wait.” Of course. I would always come first for him.

 

“I woke you up, didn’t I?”

 

“Well, yeah. I was running patrol last night. But I can catch up later. I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

 

I knew it wouldn’t take him that long to get down to the beach and, just like I expected, he got there before me even though he lived a lot farther away. He ran inhumanly fast – even when he wasn’t in wolf form. He didn’t even look winded. It was disgusting.

 

I, on the other hand, was sure I was sweating buckets, even though I’d walked. Slowly. I’m also sure I had a look of terror on my face, but Quil seemed glad to see me anyway. At least kind of glad. And maybe a little sad. There was still the air of uncertainly about him that he’d had yesterday. Only now I understood why, which made it even harder to witness. I’d clearly caused Quil so much pain. So much heartache. What if I couldn’t love him the way he wanted me to? It would kill him.

 

I hadn’t thought about how to start the conversation, so I just stood there for a minute. I don’t know if it was pity or if he was just getting frustrated, but he finally took the lead.

 

“So how was your date last night?”

 

Crap! Why did he have to start with that? “Um. It was really nice … until the end.”

 

A look of concern crossed his face. “He didn’t … um, he didn’t take advantage of you, did he?”

 

Take advantage of me? Was Quil channeling a 1950’s soap opera all of a sudden?

 

“No.” He visibly relaxed. “I just made a fool of myself.” His face took on a pained expression, and I knew that even though he’d hoped my date hadn’t gone well, he didn’t want to see me feeling bad. I was trying to figure out what to say next and coming up with nothing. Finally, Quil took the lead again.

 

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” he ventured carefully.

 

“Not really. Although it’s kind of related, I guess.” Kind of? It was the just the catalyst for the angst that had overtaken my whole life at the moment. Finally, I figured out what to say. “Actually, I really wanted to apologize.”

 

“For what?”

 

“I haven’t been very nice to you lately.”

 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

 

“Well, maybe you don’t need me to apologize but I need me to. I feel bad. And not just about how I’ve been acting lately.”

 

“What else do you feel bad about, Sweets?” He hadn’t used my pet name in a while. It sounded incredibly good to me.

 

“I was talking to Emily today.” That same sly smile that I’d seen on Emily earlier today crossed his face. I for sure wanted to get answers about that later.

 

“I was curious about something.” I paused to gather a little courage. Or give him an opening. But he waited for me to go on. Such the gentleman. Ugh!

 

There was no way around it – I just needed to blurt it out. I took a deep breath. “I didn’t know, Quil.” I looked at him, silently begging him to read my mind so I wouldn’t have to humiliate myself with any more explanation. He waited again, but it must have been obvious that I needed help.

 

“Didn’t know about what?”

 

“About imprinting,” I said, trying to put just the right emphasis on that last word. He didn’t swoop in like an emotional superhero to say the things I was afraid to say. He was going to leave the whole thing up to me – not that I could blame him. “Well, I knew about imprinting. I mean, what it is and everything. I just didn’t know …” I took another deep breath. “I didn’t know about you. And me.”

 

Quil’s expression didn’t change. Knowing that I hadn’t known didn’t make him feel better like I’d hoped. “You probably thought I knew, though,” I said sadly.

 

“I assumed you knew … for a long time. It first occurred to me that maybe you didn’t when I saw you at the store that day with Joseph.”

 

Oh yeah. I’d forgotten about that. Quil had come into the store while Joseph was there and had seen us talking. Probably flirting. It had made Quil seem really unhappy at the time. Now it made me feel really bad.

 

“But that question was all cleared up yesterday,” he continued. He spoke so quietly I almost couldn’t hear him.

 

Suddenly other pieces of the conversation we’d had yesterday took on a whole new meaning. Like his statement at the end: “You don’t know.”

 

No wonder my epiphany hadn’t brightened him up. He knew that I hadn’t known. But what he didn’t know – and probably wanted to, desperately – was how I felt about him now. I wasn’t sure I was ready to go there yet. Seeing him again hadn’t set off any fireworks in my heart. At least not that I could feel, but the whole conversation hadn’t been at all romantic so far. I felt like I was treading water, but just barely staying afloat. I needed more time to think, but I wasn’t going to get it. I started feeling kind of desperate, which made me feel defensive – like I needed to explain myself.

 

“I was two-years-old, Quil. Do you remember anything from when you were a toddler?” It felt good to release a little frustration, plus I didn’t want to feel like this was all my fault.

 

Quil looked pained again. Shoot – I didn’t want to make him feel like it was his fault either. Even though, well, it kind of was.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“You don’t need to apologize either. But why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Like I said, I thought you knew.”

 

“You must have thought I’d turned into the biggest bitch all of a sudden.”

 

“I would never think anything like that about you. You know that.” He almost looked offended.

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s just …” I decided to take a different tack. “You don’t know what it’s been like for me the last few years.”

 

“Tell me. Please. I want to understand. Make it up to you if I can.”

 

I shook my head. “There’s nothing to make up.” Then I looked down at the sand to avoid his eyes. “I’ve felt like the oddball with my friends for so long. When I turned … I don’t know … fourteen or fifteen, I guess, I noticed that the guys at school started acting differently. And treating the girls differently. Then I watched as all my friends started getting asked out on dates. Getting asked to dance. Then getting boyfriends. But I never got asked. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Was I too shy? Wasn’t I pretty enough?”

 

“How many times have I told you how beautiful you are?”

 

“It was a rhetorical question. Besides, that doesn’t count.”

 

“What I think doesn’t count?” He sounded genuinely hurt.

 

“No, what I mean is that you’re biased. Like family. Of course you’re going to tell me I’m pretty.”

 

“I said beautiful.”

 

“Okay, beautiful.” I practically had to force myself to say the word. “I didn’t know it meant anything more than just … you know ... the kind of thing a family member says to you to boost your self-esteem.” That sounded way more shallow than I’d expected, but if it sounded that way to Quil, he didn’t show it.

 

“Anyway, Joseph was the first guy who ever treated me like I was … desirable. It was intoxicating. And things were even going really well. And then, ugh! When he kissed me last night …”

 

“That bad, huh?” Quil had definitely gotten his sense of humor back, although it had a bit of a dark edge.

 

“No. It was really nice. It’s what I did that was so bad.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

I took a moment to summon up some courage. “I called him Quil.”

 

Quil paused to process that, but he didn’t seem to be seeing the import of my statement. “You called him by my name?”

 

“Yeah, like” – I took a deep breath and exhaled in an exaggerated sigh – “oh Quil!”

 

He broke into a huge grin. I thought I was going to die from embarrassment, but it was nice to see Quil happy again. It had been a while.

 

“And then I dreamt about you. About us.”

 

“Really?” The grin got even bigger. “What, like I was kissing you?”

 

“Yes. Among … other things.”

 

His grin turned into a deep, from-the-gut laugh. I had to turn my back to him, or I was going to start sobbing with shame. He stopped laughing.

 

“Claire,” he said, gently putting his hands on my shoulders. “Please don’t be embarrassed.”

 

“Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it. I find out that possibly the most significant factoid of my life somehow completely escaped me – even though everyone else seemed to know it. And, because I couldn’t figure it out like a normal person, my subconscious pulls this stunt. And then I still didn’t get it! Emily practically had to tell me.” I turned to face him. “I guess, at least that explains why none of the Quileute boys ever asked me out.”

 

“Probably. I don’t really know how many people outside the pack know about the imprint, but I think it was kind of understood that you were off limits. Everyone saw us together all the time. And the pack … well, we can be pretty intimidating even when we’re not in wolf form.”

 

“Okay. But Quil, there’s still something I don’t understand.” I paused again. “I’m the reason you don’t date.”

It was a statement more than a question, but he nodded in reply anyway.

 

“And I’m the one you’ve been waiting for.” He nodded again.

 

“But, you’ve never looked at me like … like you wanted me … that way.”

 

It was Quil’s turn to be embarrassed.

 

“I do Claire. I have for a while. But I guess I was hanging back until I was sure you were ready for a different kind of relationship. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

 

“Oh.” Why couldn’t I come up with something more intelligent to say?

 

“When you started dating Joseph it became pretty clear that you were ready for a romantic relationship … just not with me. But I had no idea why. I thought I was going to lose my grip.”

 

“I’m sorry,” I said.

 

“And figuring out yesterday that you didn’t know about the imprint didn’t make me feel any better. I figured I’d done something wrong. That I’d failed you somehow. I went to talk to Sam – to get some advice – but he wasn’t home. Fortunately, Emily got me to talk about it with her instead.”

 

So that’s what all the conspiratorial smiling was about!

 

“She told me exactly what you’d told me – that I needed to let you know how I feel. You were both right. I just wasn’t sure how to do that until now.”

 

I was suddenly completely self-conscious. So much that I had to look down. He cupped my chin in his hand, gently raising my face so that he could meet my eyes.

 

“Claire, I’ve loved you for longer than you can remember. Loved you like a brother. Like a friend. That love changed a few years ago into something much deeper. Stronger. Much more meaningful. I want to spend my life with you. Get married. Have a family. I’m in love with you, Claire Young.” He dropped his hand and took a step back. “I’ve wanted to show it so many times. But you didn’t seem …” He struggled for the right word. “Receptive.

 

“And, if I’m completely honest with myself, I think I wasn’t confident enough to tell you until I was sure you felt the same way. I’m sorry I never told you before. Even if you had already known how I felt, I still should have told you. You deserve to hear it.”

 

I wasn’t sure what to say. “I don’t know why I haven’t been receptive, Quil. I guess ’cause I’ve always just thought about you in a platonic way. And I thought that’s how you felt about me.” He nodded and then took a deep breath.

 

“So – now that you know how I feel about you – do you think you could ever feel … the same way … about me?” The hope in his voice was palpable. It made me ache for him.

 

As much as I wanted to tell him what he wanted to hear, I knew I had to be completely honest with him. “I not sure, Quil. I mean, the whole idea of it is so new. It might take a while to get used to.”

 

He nodded and then looked toward the sea as if he might find a different answer – the one he wanted – out on the horizon. I’d never seen him look so vulnerable. I thought about everything that had been said. About how it felt to be with him talking about something so different from anything we’d ever discussed. Something so intimate. How it felt to hear him say he was in love with me. That could have felt really uncomfortable, even strange, but it felt good. I also realized that the feeling wasn’t just emotional. There was another component to it – a physical component. An edge or a buzzing, like the air was full of static and the promise of excitement. Like just before a thunderstorm. I’d really liked Joseph, and being with him had been exciting, but this was different. Not just bigger and more powerful, but more real.

 

I stepped closer and touched his arm to bring his focus back to the beach. I looked into his eyes. “I do think I could.”

 

Then I saw it. In an instant his eyes changed completely. Like a fire that had been burning on the bare minimum amount of oxygen had just gotten a huge rush of air. Not enough to extinguish it: enough to make it blaze incredibly hot.

 

I think the suddenness of it must have frightened me because I took a step back without meaning to. The fire went cool again.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I think so.” What else could I say? That I didn’t know how long I’d keep him hanging like this while I thought about it? No, I didn’t want that. Besides, if I couldn’t figure it out now I probably never would. “I don’t want to take a lot of time to figure this out. You’ve already waited so long.”

 

“And I can wait longer.”

 

I stared into his eyes for a moment and made my decision. “I don’t want you to wait anymore. I don’t want either one of us to wait.”

 

He took a step toward me, slowly, almost gently, and paused. Probably to see if I was going to freak out again. Then he placed his hands on either side of my face. He leaned toward me until his forehead was resting gently on mine, nuzzling my nose against his. Then he kissed me. Softly at first. It had felt nice when Joseph kissed me, but it had been nothing like this. With Quil, it was as if an electrical current – not painful like a real current would be, but intensely pleasurable – had sparked and was running between us. I didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. My heart began racing and I felt a quiver of heat run down the front of my body. He must have sensed my response because he shifted one hand to cradle the back of my head and placed the other one in the small of my back. He pulled me tightly against him and his kissing became more intense. More passionate. My response was instinctual. Almost animal. My hands found his shoulders and slid hungrily around his neck.

 

We kissed like this, our bodies melding together, until my head started to spin. He must have felt me tremble because he stopped then, relaxing his hold on me just enough that he could look into my eyes. My gaze must have shown him exactly what I was feeling: wonder, certainty. Love. His smile was sure, grounded. Like he’d been off balance for a while and just found his center of gravity. I sighed in return. Then I threw my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. And I knew the wait was over for both of us.

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Read Chapter 4